Family Meetings a must!

We can help each member of the family fulfil their individual needs in a positive way by holding weekly family meetings.

Family life is becoming more and more structured. Each day is filled with school, after-school activities, needing to be bathed and fed, parents struggling to get food on the table and complete the daily household chores. Often it is left to screen time to keep everyone quiet. The main loser in all of this is the time and space to interact and communicate as a family unit and the social skills that could be gained from it.

One of the most powerful tools in assisting families in being able to recreate positive social interaction and gain a sense of belonging and autonomy for each member is to build in a regular time each week to hold weekly family meetings.

A family meeting is a structured discussion time that typically involves all members of a family. Family meetings should be regularly scheduled (for example once a week). Special meetings can be called to discuss an important issue that cannot wait until the next regularly scheduled meeting. Holding family meetings on a regular basis has many benefits for a family. First of all, family meetings help open lines of communication. Second, they help family members, especially children, learn to work and solve problems within a group. Family meetings also allow children to have a say in their day‑to‑day life. Having input into decisions will help boost children's self‑esteem, because they will feel heard and respected. Finally, children who take part in family meetings are given some responsibility for what goes on in their lives.

At first, it is usually best to keep family meetings short ‑ about 15 minutes. As families get better at communication and decision‑making, the meeting times can be lengthened.

What to Discuss at Family Meetings

Family meetings can be used to discuss and deal with a variety of issues including family problems, setting rules, to plan family activities, set long term goals, discuss jobs, and to discuss good things that have happened. Parents should be careful not to dominate the conversation. Every family member should be given an equal opportunity to express his or her views. When discussing problems make sure everyone focuses on solutions rather than placing blame or reprimanding. The meetings need to remain positive and enjoyable for all involved.

Location

The best place to hold family meetings is in a place where there are few distractions. For example, it is probably not a good idea to hold family meetings in the living room with the television on. One good place to hold family meetings is around the kitchen or dining room table (after the dishes have been cleared).

Important parts of a successful family meeting:

Regular Schedule. It is very important for families to come up with a consistent time to hold family meetings. They then need to stick to the schedule. No one will take family meetings seriously if they are frequently cancelled or forgotten. Everyone involved in the family meetings should make an effort to get to each meeting on time, especially the parents. If parents don't treat family meetings as an important part of their lives, their children will not either. Meetings should be held, even if there appears to be no critical issues for the family to discuss. When there are no critical issues to discuss, families can talk about the positive things going on in the family.

Starting the meeting. Families can start each meeting by mentioning the positive events and efforts made by family members during the week. Anyone can give a compliment or encouragement to any other family member. This helps to create a positive, loving atmosphere to begin.

Agenda. Family meetings will run much more smoothly if there is a set agenda for each meeting. A good way to set the agenda is to have an "agenda list" in a prominent location in the house. Each person who has something they would like to discuss at the next family meeting can then write it down on the "agenda list." This list of items can then be used to guide the discussions that take place at the family meeting. Families should include positive things that have happened during the week on the agenda list.

Ground rules. At the first family meeting there should be a discussion of the ground rules of family meetings. Some good ground rules to establish include discussing only one topic at a time, not moving on to another topic until everyone agrees to do so, taking turns speaking, no putting other people down and no fighting, blaming or arguing.

Problem Solving. Family meetings should be used to teach problem solving skills to children. For each problem, families should begin by trying to clearly define exactly what the problem is. Then they can try to generate a list of possible solutions. Families should try not to evaluate potential solutions until the list is complete. When the list of solutions is complete families can go through the list and evaluate the positive and negative aspects of each solution. Then the family can try to reach a consensus on the best solution for all involved.

Fun Activity. Families can plan some fun activity to take place at the end of each family meeting, such as playing a game together. This way, each family meeting will end on a positive note.

Family meetings can be a very effective way of improving communication within a family. Parents as well as children will benefit from having a regularly scheduled time to get together and discuss issues that are important to the family.