The family that works together stays together
Q. Should I persist with making my kids do household chores?
A. Research shows that children learn in many ways about family relationships and how their family functions. Being involved in household jobs is one way they can learn. Try, however to make it a positive experience. The following suggestions might help:
Sit down and have a family discussion about how you need their help around the house and how it runs. Discuss what kind of jobs they would be willing to do to help. The secret is in asking for contributions that you value and that suit your children’s age and ability. A job that’s too hard for a child can be frustrating – or even dangerous – and one that’s too easy might be boring.
Even very young children can start to help out if you choose activities that are right for their age. An 18 month-old can help by turning off the lights while being carried or put plastic dishes in the dishwasher.
You can start with simple jobs like looking after their own toys or rooms. One of the best ways however to teach your child helpfulness is to provide many opportunities for them to contribute to the family as a whole. These also send the message to children that their contribution is important.
As well as the usual menial tasks such as taking out the garbage try to include tasks that have more recognition such as preparing the shopping list, or helping with the cooking of the evening meal.
Expect mistakes to be made. After all you can’t get a job down perfectly by just watching someone do it, you need to practice it yourself and have the opportunity to experience the results of your mistakes and the joys of your successes.
Be sure to give the responsibility in an empowering way. For example instead of saying it’s about time you helped around the house” say, “I’ve noticed you are handling responsibility for picking up after yourself really well. I think you’re ready to learn how to make your own bed.”
The family may decide to rotate the general jobs every month or two so that no one is left with doing a job for too long and get tired of it.
There is no need to link family jobs to weekly allowances. Helping out in the home should be seen as a shared contribution that is given to help and support each other.
Don’t forget to give an encouraging thank you that includes a description of how their contribution helps or the effort they put into it e.g. “Thanks so much for bringing in the washing everyday it makes life so much easier for me because I can get on with making a nice meal each night”.
Allocating different jobs in the home, if done in a positive way, gives children a sense of belonging. It helps them to feel that they are a unique and valuable member of the family and that if they weren’t there the family would notice it immediately.
When children contribute to family life, it also helps them feel competent and responsible. Sharing housework can minimise stress in a family. Getting kids involved in chores helps the family work better.
