Use the lock-down to lock it in!

From the middle of March 2020 Australia, as in many other parts of the world, entered into a lockdown in response to the spreading of the COVID–19 virus. This lockdown, has involved the staying at home of anyone not deemed as essential services. This has meant many families being under one roof for an unprecedented long period of time without being able to go out or visit others.

All of us will be looking at a very uncertain view of what the future may hold from one week to the next. If that is how we as adults are experiencing this time then it is inevitable that our children will be having some anxious feelings about what is happening. Not going to school will, in itself, lead to many questions and anxiety over what is to come.

I always use the airplane analogy to explain how much of an influence our reactions and responses as parents will have on children during a time like this.

If you have limited knowledge about flying and you are a passenger in a plane and experience some unusual turbulence what are you most likely to do first? Probably you will look to those that will hopefully have more experience of being in a plane, the cabin crew members. If they are still calm and continue handing out lunch you will remain calm, however, if they look panicky and run to their seats to put on their seat-belts you will probably panic just as much if not more because you no longer have someone to be strong around you.

So in this current climate of general fear and concern about what will happen, as well as all the media reporting and catastrophising that comes with it, parents have to be very vigilant about their own reactions and responses around our children and try to remain the calm cabin crew as much as possible.

There are a number of ways you can pass on a sense of calm in the family home:

Be as honest as you can about what is happening and why, but do it with facts only, not speculation.

Explain the circumstances within the context of your family. Tell them how the changing circumstances might impact what your family normally does rather than the impact on jobs or lives etc. generally.

Stay positive in your outlook of what this means to family life. Talk about the good things that could come out of this situation and how the family can take advantage of it and make the most of it. Include their ideas in thinking about the possibilities.

Give them opportunities to contribute to the family during this time. This will help greatly in feeling a sense of control over a situation in which they may be feeling very dis-empowered. They might have new jobs such as games night organiser or washing hands monitor, sanitising manager and so on. Ask them to help come up with ideas to ensure all members of the family feel happy and safe.

Children find a sense of safety and consistency from routine both at home and at school each day. So try to implement a form of routine in the weekday by having set times to do schoolwork, exercise, down-time and so on. This should not reflect a school day routine but should reflect the needs and limitations of what can be achieved with all family members at home. The schoolwork sent through by teachers will not take them all day to complete, however, children should not be expected to sit on a computer screen without significant breaks in between. So be realistic and considerate of all family members involved.

Another way to stay positive is to look for the silver lining to this experience. As a family, this can be a perfect opportunity to implement some new strategies that will see your family through this time and leave them with a lasting happy memory of a very unusual experience in history.

Having worked with many families in many schools over many years, I have found that one of the main obstacles in raising children in a safe, happy and healthy environment is having the time to invest in setting up the right strategies for success. The results of that initial investment in time will mean far greater returns in the long run for all family members.

Convincing parents to invest in that time to set up the right strategies so that all family members can feel safe, respected and loved in their own home is hard when there are so many outside influences competing for our time. My question to parents is always whether home feels like a happy, safe and respected environment for all members and if they feel like they are being successful as parents. If their answer is no then I try to encourage them to make changes and that by investing in the time to implement some very simple strategies they will see it is possible to create a happy home for all.

If you would like to take this unusual opportunity to implement some new strategies into your home, you can get the step-by-step instructions on how to set up the strategies in my Pocket Parenting Book number 4 - Creating Happy Families. The strategies are aimed consistently at maintaining the respect and dignity of all involved. It will get you happily through this unusual period and set your family up for life. It will give your children some of the most valuable skills they will need, allowing them to be guided as much as possible by their inner selves and enabling them to be the kindest and most compassionate people they can be.

Most importantly what you will be setting up in your home will also help you as the parent to interact in a healthy way in solving, problems, dealing with conflict and keeping the respect and dignity of all family members. You will be able to create your own happy family.